❌ Part 1: What Not to Say to Men After Abortion

3 days ago
2 min read

Because Words Can Wound What’s Already Bleeding

These phrases—often spoken with good intentions—can deeply damage a man’s process of grief, identity, and healing. Avoid them completely:

🚫 Minimising or Dismissing His Pain

“It wasn’t your body, so it wasn’t your choice.”→ Erases his emotional stake and grief.
“At least it wasn’t born yet.”→ Devalues the life he’s mourning.
“You’ll get over it eventually.”→ Rushes a grief that has no timeline.
“It was just a clump of cells.”→ A cold, clinical phrase that invalidates emotional and spiritual loss.
“You can always have another child.”→ As if one life can replace another.

🚫 Invalidating His Role as a Father

“You would’ve made a bad dad anyway.”→ Cuts straight into his masculine identity.
“This might have been for the best.”→ Offers false comfort by denying his loss.
“Be grateful for the kids you do have.”→ Suggests he has no right to grieve this child.
“You should just get a vasectomy so this doesn’t happen again.”→ Blames and shames him into silence.

🚫 Making It About You

“I know how you feel...”→ Unless you’ve lived his experience, you don’t.
“When I had an abortion, I felt...”→ Shifts the focus to your story, not his healing.
“I’m Pro-Life/Pro-Choice, and here’s why...”→ Political debates don’t belong in personal grief.

🚫 Assuming, Fixing, or Preaching

“You must really regret it.”→ Never put words in his mouth. Ever.
“God will forgive you, just move on.”→ Healing isn’t a switch you flip with scripture.
“Why are you still talking about this?”→ Because the wound hasn’t closed.
“Let me tell you what you should do.”→ Unless you’ve earned his trust, don’t offer advice.

🚫 Breaking Confidentiality

“I told [someone else] so they could pray for you.”→ If he didn’t give you permission, you’ve betrayed him.

✅ Better Alternatives:

“I’m here.”
“That sounds incredibly hard.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this.”
“Would you like to talk more, or should I just listen?”
“I don’t have the words, but I respect what you’re carrying.”

When a man dares to speak the unspeakable, you are standing on sacred ground. Don’t trample it with noise, opinions, or fixes. His grief is not a problem to be solved—it’s a legacy to be honoured. What you say, how you listen, and whether you choose silence or compassion will echo far beyond the moment. This is more than a conversation. It’s a test of character. And if you fail him here, he may never open that door again.

Be the one who doesn’t flinch. Be the one who stays.

🛡️ Step Into the Role of Guardian.

Visit The Great Unborn Wall to learn how you can become a voice of healing for men carrying invisible grief. Read. Remember. Respond—with honour.

Read Part 2: What To Say and Do for a Man After Abortion